[Experimental Short Film] For Little Bean - from the moment I met you, to the day you left, I have always loved you.
Over 2 years ago my wife and I experienced a miscarriage, and the day we lost her I wrote a poem trying to express that loss. That poem slowly became the foundation for an experimental short film that could enunciate what my words could not.
Why a film? Because while we were finding our way through grief, we also discovered the absolute lack of resources and conversation around miscarriage. It is an incredibly personal loss - but the added societal taboo and secrecy around it made it so much harder. And I wanted the film to explore the full journey: that of both love and loss.
I also want to acknowledge those who have had, or continue to have difficulty starting a family. My heart goes out to you, and I want you to know that you are not alone.
My hope is that this film can give voice and some sort of catharsis both for us, and for others who’ve experienced that loss.
You can read the originating poem below:
THE GLASS WALL
We waited at the Glass Wall.
Searching through the shifting darkness
until we found you
shaping our imaginations.
We waited at the Glass Wall.
Barriers melting as our hearts raced together
through time
for the first time.
We waited at the Glass Wall.
But you couldn’t say hello.
Your silence.
Our silence.
Unwillingly etched in time.
Directors Statement
In April 2019, my wife Rachel and I sat in a small hospital waiting room getting ready for our 3-month check in for our first pregnancy. The doctor set up the ultrasound, turned off the lights, and began listening.
We watched the monitor, a grainy black and white image shifting over and over. Searching for a heartbeat. The one we’d heard just 4 weeks earlier.
But there was no sound.
The nurse turned to us slowly, but we already knew. Our baby was gone.
This film is my search for catharsis in saying goodbye to someone I loved with my whole heart, but never got to meet.
Writer / Director: Karl Stelter
Producers: Karl Stelter, Visual Medium
Dancers
Ariana Daub as "Bee"
Natalie Ischovich as "Mom"
Micah Moch as "Dad"
Choreography
Arian Russell
Beach Unit
Cinematographer: Luc Delamare
Production Assistants: Stephen Snavely, Chris Russell, Lenneal McKudu
Black Void Unit
Cinematographer: Nathaniel Regier
Key Grip: Pedro Bringas
Gaffer: Seth Fuller
GE Swing: Nick Sandoval
Production Stills: JJ House
Post-Production
Editor: Karl Stelter
Composer: Christy Marshall
Color: Luc Delamare
Mastering: Steve Shebby
Live Players: Simone Vitucci (Cello), Brandon Encinas (Viola), Nicole Garcia (Violin)
Sound Design: Ridgeline Sound
VFX Supervisor: Eduard Karamshuk
Compositing Artists: Dmytro Shykylov, Kirill Potras
Special Thanks
My wife Rachel Stelter for trusting and believing in me to tell this story.
